a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The air was thick with penises
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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