thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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