sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
