I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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