you guys were way drunker than both of me
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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