Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
