I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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