this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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