I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
