I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
