Got a toothbrush?
farters have to be the big spoon...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
third nipple confirmed
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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