Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
