So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
