I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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