I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
