Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
