My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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