I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
