I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Randomize
