yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
