I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
