On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i will never coherently bang her
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
