you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
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