Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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