A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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