Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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