hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
