don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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