This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
