Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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