Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
