her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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