Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
