I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
