just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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