i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
