Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Are we still banned from the library?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
