This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
