it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
