Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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