Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
