Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
