I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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