I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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