Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
