"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
