haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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