I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
