im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I AM VODKA MAN
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
