can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
