she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
