my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
