I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
