I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
