I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
