Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
