Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
