He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
