Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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