he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
