I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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