The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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